I'm in prison. The sentence is 2 years/2 months; I'm 60 days in. This isn't a prison for criminals, though. It's a place they hide political prisoners - those who represent a threat to the system. The cellblock goes quiet. I hear footsteps. The cell door opens. It's the President of the United States. He tells me he can't stay long - that he's risking his life to talk to me. He tells me I've been framed. "They sensed that you were getting close", he says. "It took us a long time to find you. They're trying to bury the evidence - and bury you in the process". He tells me that he can't get me out cleanly, but hands me a map of the prison, a small flashlight and a 15" bowie knife. "Live", he says "and help me help me make them pay". He tells me about a package waiting for me in the woods outside the prison - buried by an old Cypress tree. With that, he's gone. He's left the cell door open. The guards are nowhere in sight.
I kill several guards in my escape. I find the package. They've left clothes for me, money and a new identity. I catch a freight train out of town. I end up in small, sleepy little hamlet - hundreds of miles from the prison. I sit down in a diner for a cup of coffee. The waitress brings it to me, in tears. I ask what's wrong. "You didn't hear?", she asks. "The President has been shot. He's dead". I close my eyes. "It's too bad, you know?", she says. She smiles at me. I mumble something like .. "huh?". She leans in and whispers in my ear. "It's too bad. You almost made it". I open my eyes to see her force a gun in my side. She shoots. Silence. Fade to black.
I'm the sole passenger in a black limo. It's a dark, rainy day. The fog hangs low. The driver pulls up to a campus. We wait. As I look around, I sense that I've been here before. And then... I see her. She's the reason I'm here, parked on this street. I'm waiting for her. I'm leaving town and I'm here to take her with me. Images flash through my mind - of beaches, of surf... of the two of us walking hand in hand. I lower the window. She is everything I've ever wanted - a dream within a dream. I smile. She smiles. I open the door to get out, but she's gone. I see her walking away with another guy, arm in arm... laughing. That's when I realize why this is all so familiar. I have been here before - many times. I've seen her smile ... many times. I've seen her turn from me to him - so many times. This is the last time, though. I smile and climb back into the limo and head for blue skies and the warm embrace of a distant shore.
I'm moving into an apartment in the city. It's a massive building. My apartment is on the 67th floor. I stop by to pick up the keys. The lobby is stunning. Marble floors brush up against expensive floral arrangements. Elegant chandeliers hang from the ceiling. I take the elevator up. I feel the building begin to sway. I open the door and step inside. I look out my window to see the world spinning out of control. The building looks as though it's about to fall over. I rush back down and ask for my deposit back. Request denied. I'm stuck.
I'm in the future. I'm a rising spy/General in the top ranks of the army. Society is plagued by a disease that decimates the body in days - getting down to the bone (with the person still alive). Those who are sick are treated as lepers and are deemed "invisibles" - ignored by society. I"m framed for a murder. The punishment is this disease. On hearing that her husband has been stricken, my wife injects herself. She dies before me.
The hours pass with great pain. Just before I'm to die, a witness steps forward - a very influential witness. He testifies that I wasn't the murderer. He fingers the real killer - a leading government official. They immediately cleanse my body of the disease and I'm healthy again. I manage to rally the other soldiers and spies in an effort to overthrow the government and get the cure distributed to the masses - a fight for humanity.
I'm standing on a cliff in the fog. I can hear the foghorn off in the distance, the waves crashing against the rocks down below. I look out over the ocean and watch the sun as it sinks into the blue sea. I hear the Sirens calling to me, telling me "it's ok" to come to them. I walk closer and closer to the edge of the cliff. I can see them now, emerging from the deep. They are soooo beautiful. They want me to join them. I can feel the wind pick up, swirling around me. They call to me.. "it's time", they say. I close my eyes and hear the surf. I take a deep breath. When I open my eyes, they're gone.
I'm walking through a forest. It's daylight. I'm naked. I come to a large rock with a carving that reads.. "Love shall not be wasted". I turn and find myself fully clothed and walking the Garden District of New Orleans - past the mansions. I stop at an old home, spellbound by its beauty. The doors open. An old lady walks out and approaches me. "Hello, young man", she says. "Isn't it time you rested?".
I'm standing inside a cage. The room is dark. I hear a crowd shouting out to me. I look down to see that my hands and clothes have been bloodied. As I turn to look around the room, everything slowly comes into focus. Whatever's going down is illegal. The air reeks of wrongdoing. I see rich men in suits with money in their hands, salivating. I hear a bell ring out. A rather large man enters the cage. He walks over to me and looks down. There's a man lying at my feet. His body is lifeless. The large man drags him from my view. The lights go black. A spotlight hits me. A voice cries out... "Next".
I'm walking through a frozen mountain pass in a blinding snowstorm. I'm somewhere in the Andes. I'm with a troop of Peruvian soldiers and scientists. We feel the ground start to tremble. I look toward the mountain and notice a large land mass moving toward us. I grab one of the scientists and make a run for a deep hole in the mountain. Just as we're about to jump, I look to see a T-Rex moving in our direction. We jump down into the hole, grabbing on to the edges. The T-Rex roars above us, trying to lean in and eat us. After realizing that he's not going anywhere, we slowly climb down the dark hole. Maybe 50 feet below, we find what looks like an entrance into the mountain. I jimmy the door. It works. We're in.
We close the "door" behind us. We're now in some secret fortress deep within the mountain. We make our way through the hallway. We pass boxes and boxes of papers, a few female workers sitting at their desks and end up at an elevator. The door opens and a man in a black suit stands before us. "We've been expecting you", he says. As we take the elevator up, he puts the pieces together for me. I'm a spy for the CIA. I had infiltrated the Peruvian group to try to thwart them from accessing the mountain - to find out what they know. The "T-Rex" is just a robotic scare tactic they've been using to keep the locals at bay. The U.S. Government is using this mountain for its own secret tests.
The elevator opens. We're now at the top of the mountain. Glass windows make up the walls in this hallway. It's a spectacular view. The sky is dark. The snow is falling hard. I can see the Americans digging in one section of the mountain. The man in the black suit escorts us into a blue room. "They're ready for him now", he says, leading the scientist I brought with me to the others in suits.
I'm walking through the streets of some Alaskan town - Haines, perhaps. The air is freezing cold. It's night. There's a blizzard. I'm dressed in a parka. I look to see kids skating across the frozen water, the jagged peaks of the mountain rising up fast behind them. I hear the sound of a Christmas song echoing through my mind. I see the lights of a diner and make my way there. Inside, I order a cup of coffee and look out over the town. It's incredibly beautiful.
I'm lying in bed. It's a stormy night. I hear the branches whipping against the window outside. I hear the wind howling. I see the lightening flash in the Midnight sky. I hear the thunder break. My bedroom door is open. I stare at the light from the keyhole in the front hallway. The front door opens. A man walks in. He walks straight toward me in a hurried fashion. He raises his right arm to reveal a large butcher knife. The moment is quick. There is no sign of life in his eyes... no facial expression. I try to move, but my body fails me. I'm paralyzed. He jumps on the bed and begins stabbing me repeatedly. I wake up.
To steal from Nabakov.. Ailsa, light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul. Ai-el-sa: the tip of the tongue taking a trip of three steps down the palate to tap, at three, on the teeth. Ai. El. Sa. The vacuum of my soul managed to suck in every detail of her bright beauty. A poignant chaos.
So beautiful ... dark hair, dark eyes. She's in love with him. They're young. He's distant with her, not wanting anything serious. She grows impatient with him. They argue. She runs away. He realizes how much he loves her. He chases after her - to ask her to marry him. It's too late. She's gone. The rumor is that she ended up with an older friend of his - a wealthy businessman. Years pass. He's befriended by a famous benefactor. He's now a successful businessman. He finds out that she did, in fact, marry. She's now a wealthy wife living in Japan. His company wants him to fly to Japan to see about buying the company from her husband.
He heads to Japan. The day he lands, he's immediately aware of her presence. He looks to see her. She looks to see him. Leaves rustle. The wind blows. He walks into the lobby of the Four Seasons and hooks up with his party. She sees him. He sees her. One of his associates makes a lewd comment about her body. He turns toward the man, wanting to choke the ignorance out of him. Instead, he sits quietly and ... watches her.
Night falls. He finds himself sitting alone in the hotel restaurant. "Pie Jesu" is playing in the background. He closes his eyes for a moment. She sits down next to him and smiles. He sees her and smiles back. A game of cat and mouse ensues. He stands and walks away from the table. She follows. He watches her as she watches him. He realizes that he still loves her - no matter how much time has passed. She's as beautiful as ever - if not more so.
He's called back by his associates. He starts to feel a searing pain in his heart. He's handed a hand-written letter by her. He meets with them, all the while reading the letter. In it, she tells him that she's always loved him, but that she was foolish - too impatient to give their love a chance. She loves her husband and her life, but.. she often wonders "what if...". She ends the letter by saying "I will always love you".
Upon reading this, he feels the pain in his chest again. He gets up and leaves the meeting. He collapses outside the door. His friends rush to his side. He has them open his bag to pull out a package he had intended to give to her - a collection of unmailed love letters to her that he had been writing every month for years - letters he never had the courage to send. He knows that he is having a heartattack, but he does his best to pretend it's nothing. He grabs a pen and writes "I was the one who was foolish" on the package. He asks them to promise to deliver it to her. They do. He gets up and tells them he's just going to take a walk to catch his breath. He leaves and ... collapses in the street minutes later, clutching her letter to his heart.
His last words.. "Ai-el-sa"...
I'm sitting in Row 13, Seat C on a flight from Chicago to London. We hit turbulence. I get up from my seat to move about the cabin. I make my way toward the bathrooms. We hit some more turbulance. The lights come on and the flight attendants tell everyone to buckle up. The door to the cockpit opens and two of the crew emerge with guns in their hands. The co-pilot speaks... "There has been a slight change of plans, Ladies and Gentleman. I'm afraid that today you're going to die".
The back door of the plane opens and I get sucked outside. I'm holding on with all my strength, trying to pull myself back in. I hear gunshots. Just as I manage to get back inside, I see the crew empty their bullets into a few brave passengers. The co-pilot sees me. He makes his way towards me. "Are you about ready?", he asks with a smile. I shake his hand and nod in agreement. As the plane flies on autopilot, the crew (and I) strap on our parachutes and walk to the back of the plane. The passengers are screaming, crying. One of the pilots turns to me and laughs.. "If he had just given us the fucking microchip of his own free will. Oh well, it's a nice night for a little fresh air". We jump.
I'm at a resort in Italy, on the coast. One glance in the mirror and I see that I look like the actor Joaquin Phoenix. I seem to be one of the few people - not only at this resort, but.. in the town itself. On my third day, I'm approached by an old man. He sits with me down by the cliff. We talk about the beauty of the area and I try to find out why it's so deserted. He asks me one question: "Do you wish to see all that there is?". I tell him yes. He pushes me to my death - 900ft straight down into the sea.
As soon as my body hits the water, I fight to get back to the surface. I'm held down, though. A chorus of voices surround me. They're whispers... "soon you will see all that there is". I blackout or I die, but I soon awaken to find myself standing back on the cliff. I turn around and the town has magically transformed itself into a hedonistic oasis. Beautiful women, half naked, drape themselves across the landscape. Wine flows. Music plays. The old man is now a young Prince. He puts his hand on my shoulder and smiles, "This is the Spirit world - where life TRULY begins!". He introduces me to some of the girls. It's all a dizzying array of sights and sounds. He tells me to relax and enjoy my stay - that dinner is in ... well, dinner is NOW. Day is transformed into night. I'm standing in a courtyard by a fountain. It's one of many courtyards at his castle. The women laugh and sing. I sneak out of the castle for a moment. I need to take a walk to clear my mind.
I make my way down to the shore. The old man is waiting for me. "What's the matter? Aren't you hungry?", he asks. My heart races. The sky is full of fury. I answer him. "This is all fine, but.. I want to wake up from this. I want to go home". I turn to face him. He morphs into the Prince and turns his back on me. "You don't have a choice in the matter", he says. As he tells me how I'm now "of this world" and that I can't go back, the sea blazes. I walk towards him and demand to end this dream. "This is not a dream", he laughs. "Do you know who I am? Do you know where you are?".
The "Prince"? Satan. Can it be? Is it real? No, this must be a dream. How could I have been so foolish? He calls to the women to come "usher this wayward young man" back to the castle - back to "life". I struggle with my mind. What is reality? What is it to dream?
I decide to find a way out. I figure that there must be some way to break free. Days pass. Weeks pass. I make friends with a young girl. She's been here for hundreds of years. I manage to get her to confide in me. One night, while taking a walk through the woods, I ask.. "There must be a way to get out of here, right?". She falls silent. We continue our walk back toward the castle. Just as we near the gates, she turns and whispers "there was a girl here years ago". She continues.. "She asked the same questions that you are asking now. One night, she disappeared - but not before running into me here in the woods. She told me that there IS a way out - that the key is found 'in the depths of sadness and torment'". She said the girl disappeared that night never to be see or heard from again.
I spend the next few months combing the castle for clues. I keep thinking back to what the girl had said.. "in the depths of sadness and torment". What does it mean? One night, as I'm walking through the empty halls of the castle, I stop at a painting that I had passed thousands of times before. The words "sadness and torment" echo through my mind. It's the "Scream" painting by Munch - the original. The colors now stand out. The reds seem to bleed through the canvas. This has to be it, I think. This has to be it. I look around the hallway and notice a window nearby. I decide that tonight I will come back to his painting and see what clues it has to offer.
At the stroke of Midnight, I crawl through the small window. The castle is quiet. The halls are dark, but lined with torches. I step closer to the painting, trying to think. The girl said that the key was found in the "depths" of sadness... the "depths". Why that word? I reach up and remove the painting. It all becomes clear. There is a hole carved into the stone wall behind the painting. It seems to lead to a light of some sort. I crawl inside and make my way through what is essentially a tunnel. After an hour or so, I come out on the other end. There's a road within view. There's a horse tied to a tree. I untie the horse and gallop off into the night.
I stop at the mountaintop, looking down on the town below. Something has changed, though. It's the town as I remember it before all this began. I see the resort, but then.. I hear this ... sound. I look up into the distant sky and see what looks like a swirl of flame descending. I hurry down the mountain, my feet kicking into the horse - urging him on. I look behind me to see the flames coming fast. I'm almost at the resort when I hear the whisper.. "the wayward boy ... wayward once more?". The horse stops. The flames morph into a collage of spirits, then morph into the Prince. He laughs, "I told you.. you're of this world now". With that, he closes his eyes and I find myself back at the castle - back in the dream.
What is "reality"? What is it to dream?
I'm in my apartment having a conversation with Rebecca Romijn-Stamos and some ... other blonde model. This model and I have just finished an interview with someone for a TV show. The crew is gone. The subject is gone. Rebecca's there to hang out and watch. She moves to the couch, next to the model (we'll call her Cindy). I realize that .. during the interview, I cut off Cindy (as I have a tendency to do with others). I turn to Cindy and apologize. She's deeply moved by my apology and leans in to give me a quick, thankful kiss. I kiss her back. Rebecca turns to give Cindy a friendly kiss, as well. I lean in and kiss Cindy .. again. Well.. you can imagine the rest. It was definitely one of my .. better dreams.